Sunday, August 17, 2008

through a mother's eyes




today after church we took the girls to do some last minute school shopping and as we approached one of our favorite shopping malls i was glancing out the van window. the cemetery where my sister is buried is along the route to the mall and i mentioned to Josh how i would like to stop and show the girls and tell them a little about their aunt. it's really a sad story, one that now that i am a mother touches me far more than it did as a child growing up. you see my sister diana lynn was born premature, nowadays she would be considered a micro-preemie. thirty six and a half years ago there wasn't a lot that could be done for a baby that needed so much medical care. my sister passed a way when she was just four days old. i wasn't born yet actually i was born just a little over a year after her passing. i can remember going to the cemetery with my dad and he would recall how he came to know his baby girl had died. his sadness even so many years later was so apparent. he would tell me how my sister was transferred to a different hospital than where my mom had given birth and how that day he called the hospital to tell them he was on his way to see his tiny baby girl and they told him (over the phone) she had passed away. my dad had to go tell my mom who was still in the hospital recovering that her baby girl would not be coming home. he would talk about the funeral and how tiny she was...like a baby doll and that she had a head full of beautiful black hair. i could almost imagine what that day must have looked like. it breaks my heart to think that when i was younger i believed that it must have been easier to deal with a loss of a newborn because they really didn't "know" her yet. i saw the sadness on my dad's face and heard it in his voice but never in a million years did i really understand. today at the cemetery my heart was broken. i know diana lynn is in heaven but it brought tears to my eyes and an overwhelming sadness to my heart to think what my parents must have gone through all those years ago. today i wondered what diana lynn would have looked like, would she have been married, had children, would we be close? even now as i type this my eyes weld up it's so different when you look at things with mother's eyes. i love my sister and have decided to make more time to visit and remember her.

9 comments:

Rachel said...

Okay I'm crying..that was a precious post.

twin power mommy said...

Wow, that's tough.

How early was she? Did your parents know?
Like you said, back then a micropreemie just wasn't able to survive.
I remember when the girls were in the NICU and the doctors would tell me that just ten years ago(now 16 years ago) babies as small as my girls just would not have made it.

How did your girls react to your story?

twin power mommy said...

Oh yeah, and who's the extra set of feet i see in the first picture. I see yours, the twins', Kenna and Chloe's, but there's an unaccounted for pair!

Rachel said...

Candice,

I think the big girls thought it was sad but still didn't quite grasp the magnitude. They asked a lot of questions...and i tried not to cry while i answered, didn't work. I believe the labor came on quickly and they couldn't stop it. I'm really not sure how far a long my mom was. I'll have to ask her. oh yeah and the extra feet our my hubby's.

Triplet Mama said...

Such a touching post. How sweet of you to carry on your sister's memory. I don't know how you ever get past losing a child. My mom had a baby boy, at I believe 7 months gestation, but the baby didn't live. Too many details to get into right now (and honestly my mom has not gotten over it even remotely so I don't know a whole lot about the tragedy), but had it not been for that angel boy, I probably wouldn't have been conceived as they didn't plan to have kids that close in age...what I am trying to get to, is that my brother gave me life...
On a lighter note, your posts about your children are soooo beautiful!

Beverly said...

such a warm tribute to your sister. I have been a neonatal nurse for 40 years and found myself thinking of your parents and what they went through. It is amazing how as we become parents we can feel for our own parents so much more...

Hummel Family said...

Oh Rachel! My heart goes out to you and also to your parents! Thank you for being so open to all of us about Diana Lynn. I think its great that you are being open with your girlies. They will learn from it...I just know they will...just like Caislyn, Jakobi and Maylee will as they learn more about Breckin.

Thinking of you!

The Ski's said...

Rach...wow, I had no idea. Thanks for sharing your story with us. You are so right....now being a mom, there are so many things that I look at differently. I apprecaite your openness.....

Casey's trio said...

Oh Rachel,
How heartbreaking for your family. You have an angel in heaven looking down on you and your girls.
Hugs to you!

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